My Pathetic Attempts At Love

Fun, Fun, Fun

Well haven’t I had fun this evening, working through the sheer amount of emails I’ve had (almost 300 altogether) I started by weeding out the marrieds even though I had publically announced ‘No marrieds’ *sigh*

Then I went down the list and got rid of anyone under 30 and over 45, these were the age groups I had decided I was interested in.

Then I got rid of the ugly (in my opinion) ones leaving me with about 5o altogether.

Then I looked individually at their preferences, and weeded out those that I thought I wouldn’t be compatible with which has left me with 30, allowing for an approximate drop out rate once the heavy interviewing starts I estimate that I will have about 10 that I can choose from.

Now, I have expressed my interest in them and again emailed them to tell them exactly what I want from them and could they agree to it? I also said I would be emailing some questions for them to answer before I make my choice.

Now, I have to make up these questions so I will spend the next 24 hours considering what I need to know about them before deciding who I would like to meet face to face.

Today’s Diet 19/06/2012

Food

1 x small bowl of pasta and sauce

1 x Muller Corner Yoghurt

2 bites of crumpet and butter (felt sick so couldn’t finish)

Medication

6 x Ibuprofen 200mg

3 x Amoxicillin 500mg

1 x Zopiclone 3.5mg

2 x Citalopram 40mg

Feeling Like Shit (1=Good, 10=Bad)

4

Just Sex Please

I’ve been thinking about this whole ‘single’ thing and while I have decided to remain single ie: not in a relationship, I have come to the conclusion that actually I don’t want to have to go without sex.

So I came to the conclusion to find a friend that I could also have sex with, if that sounds bad, or makes me look bad then I’m sorry but I just don’t care. I love sex, I crave sex constantly and I don’t want to live without it just because I don’t have a steady relationship at the moment.

So, I log on to my most favourite of chat sites and enter my profile as looking for a long term FB/friend for nights out, nights in and fun. No marrieds though please, I won’t be the other woman.

I have had a lot of replies, and I mean a lot! I’m slowly working through them all and hoping to find someone suitable. I’m not ready for a full on thing just yet but it would be nice to have a ‘special’ friend. I’ll keep you all informed.

x

Tener Cuidado

Self Doubt

Problems a #Taurus may Face: Doubt is a huge issue with this sign and it’s not uncommon for these people to have self doubt.

— ZodiacFact (@ZodiacFacts) June 18, 2012

How Hard Can You Hit?

It ain’t about how hard you hit. It’s about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward

— Notebook of Love (@Notebook) June 18, 2012

Today’s Diet 18/06/2012

Food

6 x Jaffa Cakes

1 x small bowl of pasta and sauce

1 x Muller Corner Yoghurt

Small handfull of Pringles

Medication

6 x Ibuprofen 200mg

3 x Amoxicillin 500mg

1 x Zopiclone 3.5mg

2 x Citalopram 40mg

Feeling Like Shit (1=Good, 10=Bad)

7

How Negative

Wow, I just read my last blog and I am surprised just how negative it sounds. I’m not that bad and the whole work thing is not that bad either so where did that little gem come from I wonder?

I managed to grab and hours sleep and I’ve eaten (only a little – but eaten nonetheless) and so I feel a little more positive now, I think the lack of food, infection, surgery and not sleeping had all combined to make me feel shit, physically and mentally, which it has…completely.

Today is the first day I haven’t thought about TT in a sad way which is a good thing, we have texted on and off and it’s made me happy that we can do that. We both agreed that actually neither of us were ready for a relationship and although what we had was wonderful but I personally don’t think I was ready after Him to go headlong into a new relationship. I am glad that we are still talking, it was a massive relief when he text me asking how I was. I did think I’d lost a friend and that hurt more than anything.

I’ve also started going on the chat rooms again too, just to chat, not to actually meet anyone, and it’s nice to go back on and lose myself for an hour or so, to feel attractive and interesting to other people (well ok…men) and on there you don’t feel pressured to meet anyone or to explain yourself like you do on dating sites so it’s fun, easy and a bit sexy at times too.

I’m feeling more positive tonight, please ignore my last message…I was having a blip.

• How Depressed People Surf the Web (purestrange.wordpress.com)
• free sexting chat rooms (cuthbertpino.typepad.com)
• Before bed (liviahalston.wordpress.com)

Hard Work

Today has been a strange day, I haven’t really felt with it.  I slept badly and so I didn’t want to get up in the first place and have spent all day tired. I’ve tried hard to be to be jovial, part of a team and friendly but I just haven’t been up to it, I found it easier to just get my head down and work instead.

I suppose some day soon I’m going to have to rethink my working life, I don’t know how much longer I can really carry on like this anymore. I’m tired, stressed and not in a good place and I have felt like this for a long time now which leads me to look at the aspects in my life that I can change, work being one. I don’t feel as though I fit in anymore, like I’m pulling my weight or that I’m liked particularly, I know it’s only work but it takes up so much of my week that I can’t feel so down constantly and expect to stay well.

My head is not in a good place right now so I’m not going to make any rash decisions just yet, I will sit it out till I feel better then start looking for something new…I’m just not sure what though.

• The New Beginning of the Story {Or When Faith Grows, Pt. 1} (courtneywalsh.typepad.com)
• How To Hate Your Job (thoughtcatalog.com)
• Dealing With Post Breakup Depression (haliwud.wordpress.com)

An Award And My 400th Post

I feel very honoured that I have been nominated for an award:

It’s lovely to have been given it for my blog. This never started out to be a readable diary of my life but that’s kind of what it’s turned in to. Somewhere that I can come and talk about my problems and store them so I don’t have to carry them around all day.

It’s been a hard road to travel since I started it back in January 2012 and I’ve had my ups and downs, it’s nice now though to go back and revisit certain times in the last six months and see how much better I feel now.

Many thanks to Angel O’Fire at http://bit.ly/M5DtM6 for nominating me and becoming a follower, her kind words about me both amazed and humbled me, I’m no-one special, just me, a pathetic individual trying to find love whilst all the while suffering with mental illness. It’s hard trying to live normally in such an abnormal world and trying to live with someone else? Almost impossible.

Anyway, thank you and I shall endeavour to keep writing with so much honesty and enthusiasm as before.

x

• One Lovely Blog Award (jyhedgehog.wordpress.com)
• The Versatile Blogger Award (ipinterest.me)
• Now That I Am Beautiful… (theblazingtrail.wordpress.com)